xiao ais pilgrimage 4: the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning

Some things, if not done now, may never be done in the future.

It's not that you don't have time; it's because you have time that you keep procrastinating, letting things sit there, gathering dust, exposed to the elements.

Eventually, you will forget the things you wanted to do, the words you wanted to say, and the people you wanted to hold on to.

If it weren't for this spontaneous trip around the mountain, I don't know when I would have finally taken action.

Of course, circling the mountain does come with certain risks and is highly challenging, with altitudes ranging from 4000 to 5000 meters, unpredictable weather, and dangerous routes.

But this is my dream, something I've longed to do. It's not about the challenge or conquest. I just want to do it, like wanting to buy a dress I like or owning a pair of high heels I fancy. There's no specific reason, just following my heart.

Living isn't just about breathing, a beating heart, or brainwaves; it's about leaving a mark in this world. To see the footprints of your journey and be certain they are yours—that's what it means to be alive.

In this nearly 80km circuit around the three sacred mountains, we completed a full circle. The starting point is the endpoint, and the endpoint is the next starting point.

We left with deep impressions and unforgettable memories, witnessed the breathtaking beauty of the plateau snow mountains, felt the insignificance of humanity in nature, and rediscovered ourselves. I realized I could do it. I told Sirang Dorje, 'Without you, I might not have been able to do it. I might not have been able to circle the mountain.'

Sirang Dorje said, 'You would definitely do it. As long as you want to do something, you will do it without hesitation. That's the kind of girl you are. Even without me, you would still do it; someone else would be there.'

Yes, that's the kind of girl I am. But I'm glad it was you.

Circling the Mountain Day 4:

Everything feels familiar now. I know when to climb and when to descend, where the cattle sheds and water sources are, and where to stop for supplies. Everything is under control. The challenge and exploration of the unknown are gone, but it feels so safe.

In the morning, it was raining and snowing lightly. The weather in the valley was still bad, but it didn't affect my mood. After all, this journey around the mountain is about to end. There are too many things I'm reluctant to leave behind, too many unforgettable memories.

I stayed in my sleeping bag, unwilling to get up. Today's journey is only 10km, so I can walk slowly and lazily, without worrying about getting lost, running out of food, or any other dangers.

Sirang Dorje cooked porridge, generously using the gas canister without worrying about running out. He made a big pot of porridge, with a sausage, a packet of fermented black beans, and even a can of fish. Sirang Dorje, who usually hesitates to eat, finally indulged. The rice was given by a Tibetan guide sister, and there was plenty left. So, he cooked a full pot. I didn't have to worry about him not getting enough to eat, and I ate two bowls myself. We boiled water for coffee. Dorje seemed very interested in Starbucks 2+1 coffee and drank a pot. I didn't feel like having coffee and instead had some walnut powder, which was warm and sweet, making my stomach feel comfortable.

Reflecting on this hasty trip, I kept thinking about what preparations to make next time to avoid such embarrassment. Actually, it wasn't too bad. We could brush our teeth daily, drink hot water, and even have coffee. Despite getting wet, we had enough warm clothes. Except for the food shortage, we were well-prepared. We had three pairs of spare socks, and neither of us got too cold. I brought two jackets, one thin and one thick down jacket, a woolen hat, and gloves, although I lost one pair somewhere.

After eating and drinking, we packed up the tent and set off again. At a cattle shed, Sirang Dorje, clearly overburdened, frequently stopped to adjust his load. I walked ahead, as I was getting slower. After a long walk, I climbed a small hill and saw the sun. When Dorje didn't catch up, I waited in the sun, but it was cold when I stopped. I called out to him from the hilltop, but there was no response. Worried, I ran back to find him. After a few hundred meters, I saw him walking leisurely. He was surprised to see me and asked what I was doing. I asked him why he took so long, making me worry. He said he had stopped to use the toilet.

I was so frustrated.

After finally crossing the hill, we had to climb it again. Exhausted, but the weather improved, and with the sun, it wasn't so cold. We walked lazily, not in a hurry. Near the pass, we stopped to take photos and built a cairn for blessings. Along the way, we saw many cairns built by other mountain circlers. When unsure of the route, we relied on these cairns. Sirang Dorje said only mountain circlers build these, so they mark the correct path, which proved true.

Crossing the last pass, not high but the most time-consuming, we were tired and reluctant to end this unforgettable journey too quickly.

The pass was covered with prayer flags, a route familiar to Sirang Dorje from cross-country races. After descending, our phones gradually regained signal. I stopped to take photos and check messages, receiving concern and care from fans and friends. I quickly called my family to assure them of my safety. We had planned to be out of the mountains in three days, but it took four, causing my family great anxiety, almost leading them to call the police. It had snowed heavily while we were in the mountains, and everyone was worried after seeing the news.

If it weren't for worrying about family, fans, and staff not finding us, I would have loved to disappear for a week, slowly enjoying the autumn colors.

Descending to Pearl Lake, we officially entered the scenic area. The boardwalk was crowded with tourists. Walking against the flow, I felt out of place with so many people. Seeing the well-dressed tourists, I felt like a wild person in my dirty clothes.

Back at Chonggu Monastery, I didn't want to leave. Basking in the sun, I saw apples and pears on a nearby table and asked Dorje to buy one for me. He actually went and got one, and I happily ate it. Later, Dorje got instant noodles from a lama who knew him and gave them to him. After he cooked them, I asked for a bite and ended up eating half the bowl.

Sirang Dorje asked why I ate so much. I said, 'In the mountains, I saved everything for you. Now that we're down, can't I eat a bit more? You're so stingy.'

Leaving Chonggu Monastery, we took a shuttle to Yading Village. Old Yin took us in, and we went to the Mofan Hotel. Finally, we could take a hot shower and rest well.

Lying on a comfortable bed, I couldn't sleep, still thinking about the mountains, the hardships, and unforgettable moments. This is probably the meaning of the journey—to cherish that sense of freedom for a lifetime!